Thanksgiving Day

Just some thoughts about today.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
to all my friends who are traveling with me on the chemotherapy road.
Al in all we are alive and can enjoy this day: the sun is shining, the loved ones are either with us or call and remember us. Even if we sometimes do not feel 100% but we still manage.
And you tell me - who feels 100% OK? Let us be satisfied with what we have and be really thankful, especially if we have relatives and friends who are close to us.
To those who are all alone I send my prayer and love - better times are in front of us.
Thank you God!

Out of the blue

What did I say the last time when I was writing? "The worst" was vomiting - well my friends I really did not know what I was talking about.
Evidently this life saving chemo has side effects on different people in different spots; one can expect to be hit where you have most hurtful place.
Since I had before bouts with arthritis and gout - that was the place it hit me. I woke in the night
put my feet down and screamed bloody murder; thank God I was all alone.
Today, more then a week later, I can walk to my kitchen unassisted and not screaming - hey don't laugh it is an achievement.
Another piece of advice - don't be a hero! If a doctor prescribes you a pain killer - take it; it really helps.

Side effects

The worst day was Sunday; You would think the worst was over, but tricky it hits you when you least expect it. I came from church and started feeling really not all there-very weak, nauseated and vomiting. It hit me unprepared so the worst part was cleaning the rug and myself. Absence of desire to eat, could not look or smell food. Diet Coke could stay down, so could toast. And I realized why they have given me anti-nausea pills - use them stupid.
The blood sugar stays high even without eating a lot; but I force myself. Chicken broth stays down.
So I am finding solutions and hope for better times to come.
Yesterday I substituted in Lilly's Bra and Wig shop as a volunteer and was very happy to be able to do so. Especially when I got two baseball cups as a present: one red, one blue. How vain we are? Here I am a 77 year old and enjoy baseball caps that cover my head completely and really look terrific.
So there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Don't despair!
I would like to start a prayer group for ladies with breast cancer; may be by prying for each other we would feel closer and less isolated.

First chemotherapy

I think the fear of unknown and anxiety is worth then reality. I was told that the procedure will take about 3 hours - the reality was 7,5 hours. Because the knowledgeable experienced nurse was very careful. It started with the infusion port: a little prick(not painful) and then they insert the needle with an empty syringe and try to draw out some blood; well in my case they could not. The nurse explained some times the catheter is lodged against the wall of the vein - so they move you up, down, sideways - no go. Then they inject into port a medicine that stays there for 1/2 hour at the end of which if there is a small blood drop it will dissolve - nothing happened; the procedure was repeated without result, In the mean time there were hydrating me - putting saline solution, benadril against chemo reaction, drug against nausea. Then they send me to X-ray to check if the tube was going to the vein inside properly. That took about 1-1/2 hour because that they had to put a dye in to properly see the blood flow. It was OK. And they started giving me the first drug and watched me - because an adverse reaction can start immediately, Thank God it was bearable; the second drug was administered after the first and I went home around 5:00 PM , a little wobbly but managed with help from friend. It is always advisable to have someone to take you home.
The only disturbing thought that is that when blood has to be drawn and it has to be done quite frequently it has to be done thru ' veins in the arm; and my veins are practically not existing, so it is an ordeal for me and my nurses or technicians and I have black and blue marks for ages.
I will talk about side effect later, but have to tell you the fear was worst than reality.

Saga continues

Unfortunately the surgeon told me that they can start chemotherapy immediately. So I went to my oncologist and am now scheduled for the first treatment on Wednesday November 5th. I am so frightened - don't know what to expect. All the new pills I have to take the day before the treatment, the day of treatment and the day after make me so apprehensive. Will I be nauseated?, will I vomit?, will I be cold or hot?, will there be pain?, how will I feel?. I am supposed to belief that God will take care of me, but I can not sleep at night - what a hero!
May be some of my fellow travelers on the same road feel the same. It would be so helpful to know, but I guess I am the only blubber mouth who voices and utters her misgivings; people I know with the same disease keep their feelings to themselves. You almost feel that one should be ashamed of it, like it is a venereal disease and don't talk about it.
I was told the first treatment will take 3 hours; they will give me two medicines through the infusion port; duration 1 hour each and some time to "relax" in between. Relax is a funny word to use in these circumstances, don't you think?
On Wednesday evening I called my son to tell him all the good news - start of treatments and that the doctor said I could be with him and his family on Thanksgiving and Christmas. He repeated it and then I heard a shout from my daughter-in-low : "Hooray Mamuulia will be with us!". Tell me how many daughters-in-low in this United States shout from joy and celebrate that their husband's mother can be with them on Thanksgiving and Christmas? Tears came to my eyes and I thanked God for my blessings. May be sickness is sent to us to see these precious moments?